Stoned Zebra

Stoned Zebra is Looking Out For You, The Reader

2007-07-17T23:09:00.000-05:00

Maybe Stoned Zebra is a small blog, and maybe it isn't like those big shots with fancy computers and real jobs that contribute to society. You know what though? Even though you are fucked up enough to read this blog (and maybe even enjoy it), I still love and cherish you for your good qualities. Exempt that you pee sitting down. I mean seriously? You have a dick use it to its full potential. Yes, I'm talking to you too ladies. Get that penis checked out. It shouldn't be there. Well, I'm not into it, but I guess some people are, and that's cool... perverts... and if you are into it, why are you sitting here reading this shit? Get onto some tyranny site and get your jerk on! ¡VIVA LA REVOLUCIÓN!

The Glorious Return of Zebra Man... Again!

2007-04-04T20:28:00.000-05:00

I feel I have been shirking on my civic responsibilities. As you might have noticed I have not had a blog post in more than half a year. If you didn't notice well then you are a douchebag... Anyway, I thought that for my first blog entry back that I should write about the Bush administration's policies on... WAIT! I just realized I don't give a shit.

Chuck Norris... Need I Say More

2006-06-02T00:29:00.000-05:00

Not to sound like pubescent dick... CHUCK NORRIS IS A GOD! This was the brainchild of a dumb ass I will call... Herpes. He has sparked his own brand of jokes that no one cares about, and ,if said in mixed company, people will most likely will take you for a cook(or something ove that sort). I love him.

The Glorious Return of ZEBRA MAN!!!

2006-06-02T00:23:00.000-05:00

Tell your friends, bitches!

Tic Tac® My Ass

2006-03-04T23:55:00.000-06:00

Tic Tacs® are the monopoly that will bring America to its demise. The government will use the irresistiblee technology to plant the tiniestt of microchips into the brains of the American (AND CHINESEE) public. If we do not rise up, and use Scope® (Stoned Zebra Approved!!!) we will all fall into the power of this redneck regime.

Dinosaurs Walk New York!!!

2006-02-06T17:49:00.000-06:00

Now, I know by the title of this article you might think I'm a little bit crazy, but I have proof that they are hidden among us like average people.

The Man!

2005-12-26T16:02:00.000-06:00

I think the world would be a better place if someone had the mental(or genital) capacity to believe me when I say this: The government is after you and I! We are some crazy team like Bach and... Curious George. The government has been spying on us for a year(ask Bush), and no one believed me when I said it! Now, I say to you good sir: FIGHT THE SYSTEM! THROW OFF THE SHACKLES OF ESTABLISHMENT!

Bush Don't Like Bush

2005-12-17T18:14:00.000-06:00

Okay, we all know Bush's approval ratings aren't very good. I could tell you what they are, but don't be a lazy d*** ! Look it up yourself! Anyway... I've been thinking, he needs to think of some way to get those numbers up so he won't go down in history as a hairy wanker. How about this: ravioli. Look at what it did for Chef Boyardee. Oh, that crazy Italian! It is so good in my tummy...

Your Wife/Girlfriend:Boy Or Girl

2005-11-30T20:47:00.000-06:00

You might have a wife or girlfriend, or you might be lonely, and jack off to skin mags. If you do have one, however, ask yourself this. "Is she a man?" You might be suprised at your answer, or not. Who cares? Anyway you can tell if (s)he is or not by answering these simple questions: "Do they have an Adam's apple?", "Do they have a deep voice?", or "Do they have a penis?"

Why Anal Probing Completes Me

2005-11-30T19:38:00.000-06:00

Anal probing is one of life's small pleasures. It can make you feel alive when you are down. It even takes sample of your s***, and analyzes it. It is the greatest thing man or fish(no one knows which) has ever invented. If you knew the reason they are so magically delicious I would pay you, but alas you don't. Now, I'm going to watch the Lifetime Channel and have a good cry.

Why Men Should Not Have Nipples

2005-11-27T23:20:00.000-06:00

Men do not produce milk, you see. Then what is the point of giving them nipples? If you are a man(like me or Jefe over here), and plastic surgery is not your forte, then I suggest an alternate route. Ask your local senator, or bartender, to pass a law ordering that they not be called nipples anymore. I think it should be called something along the lines of titty to the masculine form.

Pygmy

2005-11-27T21:48:00.000-06:00

I like pygmies, and I will tell you why. Yeah, I know they are beautiful people, but the real key to their charm is their tiny bone structure. They're fun to have around like a bunny or a sausage. There is one question I just can't seem to get out of my mind. How much do they eat? I'm serious. Have you ever seen a fat pygmy? No! Maybe they exercise. Maybe they're small. WAIT! They are small! That's the key! Oh God, I need a nap.

Why Elves Are Ruining America (And Japan)!!!

2005-11-27T20:50:00.000-06:00

Elves suck balls!